This is my story.....
I will start with my daughter. Before she was a year old (6 months to be exact) she lost her father to a ruptured brain aneurysm. By the time she was 2 another man had entered our lives and he seemed like a dream come true.
Skip ahead 3 years.....
The man I married had a very promiscuous sister, already with 3 kids....and a drug addict. Long story short the children ended up in foster care and I begged my husband to help me get them out. I thought I was doing good....Gods work perhaps....but it was a mistake. A mistake I would pay for for many years to come.
A year later the sister had another child who I was told by my husband was not coming to live with us, but I begged and she came. 2 years after that another....same situation. The total was now at 6 (1 mine, 5 hers) and yet another. I didnt need to beg this time, they simply brought him to us. Unfortunately the ages were so close it was to much for me to handle (on my own...for at this point the nightmare had already begun and I just didnt know it yet) He was transfered to a new foster home, with a beautiful couple who quickly became my friends and the family stayed together reguardless. A year later...another child....to live with our new family friends.
Long story short.....the 5 in my home were released for adoption and my husband and I adopted them. The 2 in our friends home were moved to Georgia to live with their bio grandma on the fathers side....another child was born after that...still with bio mom to this day.
During this span of 4-5 years my husband became ever more absent. Our relationship began to change. I was soon known as "The state paid babysitter" said with a smile and a laugh by my husband and his friends. At first I would laugh, completely niave to the fact my husband was cutting me down on purpose. My children would walk away from a mess and tell their friends dont worry "the maid" will take care of it....for this is the way my husband taught them to look at me.
Then came the woman. First I only suspected. Then there was confirmation. Friends hinting to things they knew but didnt want to say. Emails, text messages.......I became obsessed in catching him in his lies. I followed him...found him in many different places with many different people. Each time with the promise it would never happen again.
My jealousy began to rage and I was told it was my own fault. I didnt care for him enough. Didnt spend enough time with him. Did have enough sex with him....and if I left he would take the kids away.
So I stayed, and prayed it would get better.....but it didnt and by then I was convinced everything wrong with us was because of me. I was doing something wrong. I put on happy faces. Maintained social apperances of a happy life...a happy family. I saught friendship in online friends. People I didnt have to pretend to be happy with. I didnt have to pretend to be anything except me.
I was accused of cheating.
The children got ever worse. Disobediant. Doing whatever, whenever and if I tried to parent I was reminded I was nothing, I had no authority here, and if I tried my daughter and I would be out our ass....or he would call CPS and have her taken away from me.
I saught therapy in secret...something to try and hold my broken pieces together.....but it quickly became apparent to my therapist I was not going to get better if my family did not get better. I finally asked my husband to come to therapy with me. Pissed and in a rage forced me to stop going or I could forget seeing my daughter ever again. So I stopped...and things got worse. I started to find reasons to not be home without looking like I was running away. I bowled. Coached the kids sports. I was accused of spending my husband and my kids money. I didnt work and every time I tried I was told by my husband I could not beause we had to many kids who needed to be to many places and needed a full time stay at home mom. I didnt realize this was just another way to keep me from escaping.
So I babysat from home. Spent that money and only that money on things I needed.
I wore the same sneakers for 9 years.
After a while I finally found a way to makes friends. And for a year things were really good. Then my husband came to me with the idea that since a male friend of ours had been in love with me for years we should have a 3 some....spice up our relationship....save our marriage. I didnt even realize at that point something was wrong. Remember we had had a good year. I refused. But refusing my husband anything just wasnt acceptable. It happened and I cried. I felt used. Lower then low. Trashy and disgusting. I told him this......and he said it was because I wasnt used to it. He made me do it again or he would divorce me. Later I was accused of cheating and my children were told what a whore I was....in turn told their friends....in turn told their parents. I was talk of the town.
I was depressed. Highly medicated. I stopped caring. Stopped trying to please. Stopped cleaning, cooking, giving a shit what happened to anyone anywhere.
A year later I caught him screwing one of my so called friends....in the middle of the night.....in his truck....in my driveway. I told her husband and all Hell broke loose.
Another long story short....this so called friend was nothing more then a cover for the real prize.....my husbands knocked up girlfriend.
He left, and left the kids with me.....because in his words they were my job not hers.
I moved another man in and for the first time in years.....I was happy. This pissed my ex husband and my kids off. I wasnt supposed be happy. Then I married him and all the threats my ex had ever laid out became promises. My kids lied and said my new husband beat them. They were rewarded with expensive presents from the ex. But this time I would not let them win. I was growing stronger. Instead of running my happiness out of my life.....I ran them out. Forced them to live with their father, even went to court to relinquish my rights. After all I was just the "state paid babysitting maid"
The judge refused.....the kids and the ex began to retaliate.
They told their made up stories to anyone who would listen. Told the world I chose my husband (who according to their story now beat me too) over them. CSP backed them up without bruises or wittness'.....my husband and I were indicated for abuse that never happened. When they finally spoke to my bio daughter she broke down and told them things I never knew.... how my ex had beat her with a belt. Pulled her hair. Squeezed her arms so she couldnt move while he screamed in her face. Walked out on her and never paid another mintue of attention on her even though he was all she had known for years. She was to scared cause mommy had been to scared to tell when he was nasty to her. I had taught my daughter to be scared :(
Cps ignored her crys.
I also lost my daycare job due to the indicated case......and this is where my story becomes present. People look at me like some horrible person. But they dont know the horrors I lived. I did such a good job making life seem so good that when it all came tumbling down it was all my fault my ex ended up smelling like roses.....but.....I am finally happy. They are all gone and my nightmare is over. I refuse to feel guilty for the relief I feel. My present husband loves me. My daughter loves me. His kids and our grandbaby love me.....and I love them.
Thats all I need now....all I will ever need.
I pray they find peace and that they have not transfered this mental abuse on to the new girlfriend. Even a homewrecker like her doesnt deserve to go through what I did.